Wettbewerbe » during a 27-10 win at New Orleans on Sunday,

I told him the Jays were a desperate bunch, which is cheddar cheese to a puppy dog in devil-speak. I gave him my hard sell. Cmon, buddy. Cmon, Sweet Lu. Our All Star-shortstop Jose Reyes, finally healthy, literally leads off the season by taking his first at bat, popping out, then proceeding to walk off the field and on to the disabled list. Maybe hes out for two weeks, maybe four months, maybe hes taking up painting. The team, left with a defence only Abbott and Costello could love, is even more desperate than when it was just known for jettisoning its best young talent for knuckleballers pushing 40 - he stopped me right there. He smiled deep and wide, his horns dewy with anticipation. He was ready to make a deal.Fine, I said. I will bypass my desires for fame or fortune or a game of wall ball with Lloyd Moseby and put my deal making skills to work for our boys in royal blue. So, fellow fan, you are welcome. Allow me to outline the exact details of how this season is going to go down (as hashed out between me and Mr. Three Prong, Son of Perdition).(Disclaimer: if you are planning to use this remarkably accurate information for gambling, I urge you to keep investing that extra money into lotto scratchers, lest we have a Back To The Future situation on our hands. APRIL (14-13 record, .519)The Jays whimper out of the gate, getting crushed on Opening Day, then lose 7 of 10, doing a bang-on impersonation of the mediocre team we thought they were. Thats when the cauldron bubbles and the thick smoke rolls in and the creepy carnival comes to town. What happens specifically? Maybe the entire Red Sox roster contracts syphilis. Maybe Derek Jeter becomes a clubhouse cancer in his final diva-tirade-filled season. Maybe Camden Yards becomes Marlo Stanfield turf. Maybe Tampa Bay management decides the empty cavern they play in would be better monetized by jai alai tournaments. Listen, I dont ask El Diablo how he gets stuff done, I just sit back and enjoy the results which Im assured come with no consequences. MAY (31-26, .544)Little known fact about devil-dealing: May is Buy One, Get One Free Month! Thats across the board, whether youre looking for life extension or to unravel the happiness of a sworn enemy. Why not do both?Truly, Beelzebub has little to do with the Blue Jay surge of May. The team plays a whopping 18 games at home, and with the city still suffering from an endless winter, the Rogers Centre roof is only opened once all month, a paralyzing condition visiting teams cannot physically handle (the technical term is "depression"). (Sidenote: I apologize for not asking The Crimson Sausage, Enemy Of Christ to improve the weather. The Cable Box on Blue Jay Way is the Bikram Yoga studio of stadiums.*) (*Bikram yoga is also known as hot yoga.**) (**Hot yoga is a thing you do when you are a 22-year-old girl or a thing you do when you are trying to impress a 22-year-old girl).JUNE (48-36, .571)Until mid-June, the league hadnt noticed the Jays ascension to the ranks of the privileged, largely because after twenty years spent ignoring someone, it is perfectly understandable that you might mistakenly walk past them in the hall and fail to notice the shotgun they are holding. But the Jays had now arrived, and their demands were going to be met, even if Barb in accounting didnt know their goddamn name. Josh Thole was gonna make sure you remember.We gotta give props to The Author Of All Sin, because he works the impossible this month. Jose Reyes is back in the lineup in time for his birthday (June 11) and his bobblehead day (June 8 for those fair weather fans planning to attend). To think, how many nasty critics said meaningful baseball would never be played in Toronto again in July?JULY (62-48, .564)With just a paltry nine home games on tap, our Blue Man Group must do their damage on the road, visiting Tampa Bay, New York and Boston. In a month-long celebration of Canada Day, our national baseball representatives do just that, proving Canadians to be fearless and capable. (Flipside: After witnessing the condition of our departing players hotel rooms, it is clear we Canucks may lack some respect for the environment. I believe the players call it, "doing it Harper-style").The All-Star break falls in July, an annual tradition typically partaken by Jose Bautista and a middle reliever nobody knew was on the team. 2014 proves to be no different despite being a dozen games over .500 at the break. Respect will have to be earned. FYI, did you wanna know who wins this years All-Star game, giving their respective League home field advantage in the World Series? Answer: NOBODY. Nobody [expletive] wins with a rule that stupid.AUGUST (79-57, .581)On August 11, Colby Rasmus turns 28. That same day, Melky Cabrera turns 30. The Prince Of Darkness promises me these achievements will be met and hes been totally standup so far.Playing every division rival at home this month, The Descendants of Alfredo Griffin enjoy their greatest month this century, forcing Vegas to recognize them as a team and set World Series odds. They are given 60-1 chances, though in metric it works out to a more sensible 18-1.(For those of you uncomfortable with how fashioned this season is by Oh Wicked One, Im not saying you have to worship the Father Of All Lies, Founder Of Murder. Im just saying, if youre a ball fan, you should probably send him a card. Maybe bath salts. Nothing fancy).SEPTEMBER (93-69, .574)A peculiar month of scheduling down the home stretch. Sensibly, the Jays visit every division rivals park. Oddly, they play the Chicago Cubs for an unknown reason my sources tell me may have involved money and bad judgement.2014 ends in a dog fight -- a climax of tension and emotion and games that are still a little too long -- all in the service of the Jays holding on for their first playoff appearance ever (in the lives of the children whose aging fathers drag them to the games). We did it! Were number 4 or 5!And there you have it: 93 wins. 1 wild card spot. 0 logical discrepancies. Is it getting hot in here?Gallays Poll #5Lets say we dont know what we know. With how many wins doth the Blue Jays finish?A) <70 -- I am familiar with the team. The win total will be commensurate with the talent level.B) 70-81 -- I dont pay much attention to the baseballs but have read a few headlines.C) 82-89 -- I rarely hear about the Jays anymore. Is Kelly Gruber still with the team?D) 90+ -- I dont understand how baseball works. Cheap Custom Hockey Jerseys . The Nuggets leading scorer, Lawson is characterized as day to day by the team. Hes averaging 17.9 points and 8.9 assists. Lawson suffered the injury late in Denvers win Sunday at Sacramento. Custom Anaheim Ducks Jerseys . The Canadian Football Leagues all-time passing leader said he has not made a final decision, but he will discuss his future with Montreal Alouettes owner Bob Wetenhall on the weekend. http://www.customjerseyshockey.com/ . You can catch all of the action LIVE on TSN2 at 6pm et/3pm pt. The Heat reached that mark Saturday night when they ruined the Philadelphia 76ers home opener. Clearance Custom Hockey Jerseys .Y. -- Phil Jackson lost out on his preferred coach, but hes working hard on keeping his star player. Custom Hockey Jerseys China . With Bernard hurt, the second-round pick has emerged.Hill ran for 152 yards during a 27-10 win at New Orleans on Sunday, his second big game. He also ran for 154 yards against Jacksonville earlier this season.Newark, NJ (SportsNetwork.com) - Roosevelt Jones made consecutive baskets late in overtime to help Butler beat No. 21 Seton Hall 79-75 on Tuesday night. Jones drove the baseline and made a reverse layup to put the Bulldogs up 75-72 with 56 seconds remaining. After Khadeen Carrington missed a jumper for Seton Hall, Jones powered down the lane for another layup. Carrington nailed a 3-pointer to pull the Pirates within three, but Jackson Aldridge sunk a free throw with four seconds left to seal the win. Jones finished with 23 points and eight rebounds for Butler (13-5, 3-2 Big East), which got nine points and 15 rebounds from Kameron Woods. Kellen Dunham had 21 points for the Bulldogs, but missed a potential game- winning jumper at the end of regulation. Sterling Gibbs made six 3-pointers and scored 30 points for the Pirates (13-4, 3-2). Carrington totaled 20 points in defeat. Butler opened the second half on a 16-3 run to goo up 44-35.dddddddddddd Seton Hall didnt make its first field goal in the frame until Gibbs knocked down a trey with 12:08 remaining. The Pirates were down 57-49 with four-plus minutes left, but battled back to tie it at 63-63 on Carringtons three-point play with 1:09 to play. Seton Hall got off to a slow start shooting the ball and fell behind 14-6 when Alex Barlow hit a 3-pointer. The Pirates, who missed seven of their first nine shots, responded with an 11-1 burst and took a 17-15 lead on an Angel Delgado layup with 8:50 remaining. Seton Hall wound up shooting 50 percent from the field in the first half and owned a 32-28 lead. Game Notes Delgado had 12 points and 15 rebounds ... Butler held a 45-37 rebounding advantage ... Butler swept two 2013-14 regular-season meetings before losing 51-50 to Seton Hall in the first round of the Big East tournament. 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